Our Amy

I carried Amy in my womb for nine months and I will carry her in my heart forever. I don't want us to dwell on the cause of her death, we will never know or understand why. Today is not the day for what ifs or should haves or whys. Today I want to talk about the golden girl I loved, we all loved. Amy made us laugh, she was silly and smart and funny and warm and loving. Amy loved all of us so very much. The one peace I have through this is that I do know that Amy knew we loved her. Amy was an artist and a writer and a poet who loved music and art and animals and, for some reason, hippos. I remember the time when we lived at my moms and there was a bat in the basement. Amy was terrified of bats but insisted on going to the basement with the man from animal control to make sure he caught that bat without hurting it and went with him to make sure the bat was released unharmed. In High School, to prove to the teachers and counselors who told her she couldn't do it, Amy got herself nominated and elected to the student council, then she resigned, she had made her point. When her grandma Nellie hurt her leg Amy was there happy to help bath and take care of her grandma that she loved so much. Amy loved spending time with her dad fishing, especially up at Sodys in Lake Park. They never caught anything that they could bring home. The joy she brought to her fathers life just can't be put into simple words. That's just the way she was, brave and loving and loyal. She and I were able to take a trip through New Mexico, Arizona to Los Angeles where she finally saw the ocean she so badly wanted to see. We drove back through the mountains and I was able to watch her face as she saw the majesty of the mountains, she said they made her feel so small and wonderful. She had just gotten back from a trip with her dad to see her aunts and uncles and cousins she loved so much in Michigan. She was happy and making plans to return to college there. These are the things we need to remember, Amy happy, making us laugh, writing her poetry and drawing her art, listening to the music she loved. I had an image in my head while we were driving back from picking up Tiffany in Iowa City, it was so strong and clear it made me smile. Amy was with her grandma Jackie watching David Copperfield and Ellery Queen and eating grandmas fudge and popcorn, her grandpa Glen was there singing that silly song about the mouse and the cat and her uncle Dan was there talking about racing stock cars cause Amy loved driving fast. Tiffany, I know one of our stars are gone from this earth, but she's now the brightest star in the sky. Whatever pain that drove Amy that terrible day is gone for her now. And while our pain is just beginning we need to remember our Amy, our happy laughing golden haired girl who will be forever in our hearts as we will be in hers.